When a Deal is too Good to be True: Buy It

There are pivotal moments in life when we have a great deal at the end of our finger tips but we revert to Protestant self-deprecation and believe that we aren't entitled so the deal must be too good to be true.

I was sick as a dog in Melbourne and moving out from staying in a friend's basement to a hostel. The last thing I wanted to do was share my sickness with 5 suddenly close strangers (and I doubt very much they wanted much to do with me at that moment either). What I needed as a bed, a tv and AC for a couple days so I could sleep it off and get better.

I looked on Hotwire as this is my usual go to for hotel deals in North America. They're clearly not so big in Australia as my options were limited and about $150 AUD/night. So I flipped over to Expedia (Expedia.com.au) to see what they could muster up. Much to my surprise/delight/skepticism they pulled up what was listed as a single bed room at The Space Hotel for about $45/night. This was only slightly higher than a dorm rate so my skepticism immediately took over. I scoped out then hotel/hostel's website (https://www.spacehotel.com.au) and saw they indeed had single bed private rooms so I snatched up the deal on Expedia and started packing my bags.

Stopping at the pharmacy on the way over and getting myself summarily drugged up on flu meds I arrived to check in longing for nothing more then to crash as quickly as possible. I handed over my passport and was told my reservation had been cancelled as it had been booked for a bed in a girl's dorm and that Expedia should have called me to let me know this.

Now, if I have any advice for anyone anywhere on dealing with people in customer service positions it's that you should never (ever) yell at them, this does nothing for you as they have the power to decide if they want to help you or just put you out. It's always better if they take pity on you rather than dislike you. So, as my very wise friend Darcie once told me: 1) kill them with kindness and if that fails; 2) cry.

So the wonderful, beautiful, amazing Emily working behind the desk probably saw the angst (and nausea) rise in my face as I explained I was so sick and just needed a bed, I had been sent a confirmed reservation and that all I wanted was a private room. She calmly told me their private rooms ran $99/night and that was all she could offer directly but as Expedia was the middle-person she offered to call them up.

Now to say I was on slightly high on meds is an understatement. I was out of my fucking head and could barely converse with glowing Emily let alone the Expedia call centre but she took care of it got them on the line and told them The Space Hotel could put me up but only at the higher rate. And god bless Expedia they agreed to cover the difference and offered me a $50 credit for future use on their site: a $150 value.

So my advice is simple: when you see a good deal, fucking take it. You're only a sucker if you get nothing but you're a winner when you save 63% on accommodations in a major city over two nights.

Thank you to Expedia for being such stand-up folks and honouring the deal they made with me. Thank you to The Space Hotel for providing such a great space for me to nurse myself back into fighting shape. Most of all thank-you to the amazing, beautiful, wonderful, glowing Emily for being so kind, taking care of me and handling the whole situation with Expedia with such poise: you are an absolute star.

Review: ARQ

As soon as I met the third person who told me that they hated ARQ I knew I had to go. Only the best clubs have the biggest detractors and the level of sheer hatred for this club meant it had to be good.

So after drinking all afternoon at a friend's BBQ I stumbled out and on to Oxford Street to meet my dancing destiny. As tends to happen when I'm hammered I wound up being picked up by 6 gays and a drag queen who were headed to Ruby Rabbit. I'm regularly amazed on my "day afters" how frequently people pick up a relatively incoherent mess and take them with them to a place and this evening was no exception.

I hung around Ruby Rabbit for a couple drinks and a Gaga performance by the aforementioned drag queen. One of the perks of entering a place with a DQ is that you can often get a free pass on cover; consider them like an aggressive, loud VIP card that might end up scratching your eyes out.

In any case I eventually dragged myself out the door and after a quick slice of pizza strutted (stumbled) into ARQ ($15 cover btw - I think).

It's impressive but generally standard fair for gay clubs these days. Three levels with the basement lounge and typical main dance floor and upper crowsnest viewing level. Best feature is the thousands they've obviously poured into their lighting and sound systems. Unsurprisingly for Sydney the men were gorgeous, half shirtless and mostly all "medicated".

I always have challenges in these environments as a half naked drugged up stud is really just an emotional adolescent. They don't want to feign interest in case you shatter their world and destroy their buzz by not being interested yourself. They seem to think it's always best to look at everyone else like a troll and act like you've got the biggest cock this side of the Pacific. Personally I cannot operate this way - I'm a smiler (15 years of orthodontic work needs to pay for something and it's my WMD especially in countries like Australia where they tend to have shitty teeth). In any case I like to look people in the eye and make a connection but this is not without it's challenges in an environment like ARQ where everyone is so guarded out of fear of rejection.

Which brings us to ARQ's best feature: Trashbag Alley. Accessible by the back stairs it's where the crowds go to smoke, converse and purchase $30 breath mints (though I would advise saving your money for a more reputable erm..... mint dealer). Anyway, if you're trying to meet someone this is exactly where I'd do it. If you're confused on an opening line just ask for a light, smile and work it out from there.

Drinks were either $8 or $9 depending on who's serving you and those still may not be local prices (I need to work on my Aussie accent, currently it's still too pirate-y). The drinks are also weak and don't allow doubles which is practically a war crime in a gay bar but I suppose a wise business decision as an extra $3 or $4 for a double is a hell of lot less than coming back for another round of singles. A word to the wise: 1) drink A LOT before coming and 2) there's one bull dyke bartender and you should avoid her at all costs and definitely do not tip. I don't use the word cunt lightly but she's a nasty cunt. Full stop.

Oh and the music was adequate - good remixes, lots to shake your ass to, but nothing earth shattering for a gay club.

Will I go back? Naturally, but I have enough sense of my self and who I am to stay above the pretension and just be me. I'm a big believer in the idea that you catch more flies with honey and according to my phone I caught 4 flies, found my first Aussie snake in the bathroom (and boy was it a big one) and spent the next day in bed (we left at 9am) with a handsome, sweet boy who was great kisser. Success.

Ratings:
Men - 4.5/5 (statistically perfect as there's no such thing as a 5/5 room full of gay men)
Music - 3.5/5
Atmosphere - 3.5/5
Pretension - 5/5
Overall - 4/5

Photo credits: arqsydney.com.au